


Get The Words Out

by MrThirst



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, One-Sided Attraction, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 18:33:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18104075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrThirst/pseuds/MrThirst
Summary: John "The Hunger" has some thoughts.(One-sided John/Merle)





	Get The Words Out

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a Discord Drabble to my very best friend. She recommended I post it, so here it is!  
> I've never written a fic in First Person before.

Never did we feel alone in that inky ocean. Surrounded by allies, those thousands that shared our thoughts from the start and new minds that joined us as we sought The Light. We traveled far, we searched again and again.

We grew.

We grew.

We grew.

Things began to change. The light was hidden, stolen from us. Odd... We searched again. An infuriating cycle: The Light sometimes ours sometimes stolen.

We are growing angry.

\----

I'm alone. I look around the room I've found myself standing in, and... I cannot feel anything except myself. I'm isolated in a way I haven't been in... Lifetimes, I assume. There's a man in front of me, a dwarf. I do not know him. I do not care to know him, but I do find myself curious...

 _Merle_ , he says.

A strange name. I wonder what mine was back then, back when I was alone.

John...

 _Merle_ smiles at me. He wants to talk. I haven't talked in so long. I do not want to be alone. 

\----

How many times must I kill him? How many times must he die? Why does he keep coming back?

_Merle..._

\----

I find myself thinking about him when I'm supposed to be **US**.

We are only supposed to think of our goal.

We must keep focused, we must grow.

When will _Merle_ come to see me again?

_\----_

_Merle_ likes to play chess. _Merle_ likes to play games. _Merle_ likes to laugh and live and... _Merle_ likes me.

It feels light in my chest and throat, heavy in my stomach. I haven't had such feelings in so long. Maybe never? Maybe this is the first time? Either way, I don't know what to do with it. 

\----

 Stop taking The Light from us. We need it to grow. We need it to get beyond the limitations of the universe. We are very, very angry. We want that ship turned into splinters.

_\----_

_Merle._ I cannot say it enough. It drips off my tongue like no other word does.

 _Merle._ Does he realize what significance it is for me to share our names? How... Close... To be near as individuals, not to be part of one whole.

_Merle..._

I do not want to leave this room.

This is a dangerous thought. This is a distraction. They do not want me to keep visiting with Merle.

I try to tell them I cannot control the visits. They do not like it.

This was my idea, they say.

When did it become them and me? I want us to be **US** , to be **WE**.

We want to grow together.

We want The Light.

\----

"Huh... I feel... Sad..."

\----

We grow together. We are focused once more. We are no longer separated by the thieves' dwarf.

We forget the name he called us.

We grow.

\----

Where is The Light? It should not have taken so long to find.

Where.

Is.

It?

\----

No, no, no! It's not my fault. 

Distracted from us. Betrayed us. 

I didn't-- 

We know. We feel. **Missing. Longing.**

 ...

Help us grow. Help us end _him_ , them, everything. 

\----

I have never called the Parley before. I am surprised it worked.

 _Merle..._ He looks different now. Older. Missing pieces.

He notes my appearance. The blackness aches, the colors burn, it's just so good to see him.

I can feel more while fully alone, and I am faced with the whole weight of my heart as I look at _Merle_ again after such a long parting. 

\----

"Break the bonds, _Merle_!'

\----

I have not been to a beach like this ever before. It is beautiful. I know why it is he would choose to live by the sea.

I ask _Merle_ to sit.

The sun is sinking, and I know I will not see the night it leaves behind.

 _Merle_ is with me. I am not afraid.

I imagine a life where we might have lived together on the stand by the sea. I wonder if I had lived when _Merle_ was living if I would have understood the moments he said he lived for. I wonder if I would have understood happiness.

I look at him, face bathed in red-orange light of dusk. I breathe in to tell him I understand now. To tell _Merle_ that he is beautiful.

I do not get the words out.

**Author's Note:**

> mrthirst@tumblr


End file.
